Its funny what you remember about a specific day. For example, I remember that day was the happiest yet saddest day I've ever had. I remember how I felt when I found out, and I remember where I was when I found out. I don't remember however that it was so close to Halloween, I don't remember the weather, I don't remember what I did in between all the moments I do remember. I just think it's crazy what the brain chooses to remember and what it doesn't.
On the day I found out I was going to be a Mommy for the first time, I gained a beautiful baby girl but lost one of the loves of my life, my Grandma Bea.
I had an inkling that I was pregnant but with all of the events going on around my Grandma, I hadn't really thought about it too much. I guess that was a good thing because after 7 long months of trying, I needed a break! That morning for some reason I had decided to test and it was really early in the morning. Like always I did my thing and then put it on the top of the shelf above the toilet to wait.....wait......wait! 3 dreadfully long minuets later, I couldn't', let me go get Ryan, no, he's sleeping, okay, 1-2-3, go!!!! WHAT!!! WHAT!!!!!!! It's positive, there on this stupid stick covered with my pee (yuck) were two pink lines concluding yes, you were going to be a Mommy and a Daddy!!! Of course I ran into the bedroom, jumped on my baby's future Daddy and told him the great news. We laughed, cried and held each other for a long time. That was one of the best moments in my life. I had no idea that it would follow one of the worst.
I was at work when I got the call. My Mom was crying and I knew. It felt so surreal. I had to hold it together for work but all I wanted to do was cry. I just knew I wanted to be with my family but I was so far away!!! This is where all the fuzzy stuff comes in. Not sure how I went upon the rest of the day, not sure when I called Ryan, not sure of any of it. I just knew I was numb.
She died on a Friday and 8 months and 2 days later my beautiful, perfect, baby girl Grace Beatrice, was born on a Friday. An angel to leave, and angel to gain. I guess the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. I still feel an ache when I know that they will never meet here on Earth, but someday, we will all be together again. I love you Grandma and think of you all the time.
Beatrice Thomas
10-28-05
What a sweet post, this brought tears to my eyes! You are so lucky to have such a wonderful Grandma, and what an honor to pass her name on to your sweet Gracie.
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